Tag archives: funny
There are days when the most exciting things my wife and I do are Wordle… “Got it in four.” Ha! I got it in three.” Well, just wait until tomorrow.” Dispense boxes of cereal into their new “ant-proof” plastic vaults… “Raisin Bran done.” “Check.” “Special K done.” “Check.” “Cheerios… ah, dang. Broom.” “Check.” And maybe […]
When I first moved to California, I met a bunch of friendly people my own age who lovingly indoctrinated me into local customs. “Welcome to Santa Barbara. Let’s do some shots. Now, lick the salt off your hand, down this tequila, suck a lime, and say ‘hootah.’” Gasp. “Hootah!” Gasp. Turns out, these ancient local […]
That surely can’t be it I thought, as we walked across the tarmac toward a Volkswagen Beetle on skis with a long purple tail and a spinning propeller on top! Oh, and NO doors! I looked at Pat. She was zipping up her sweatshirt and adjusting the flotation device strapped around her waist… “We will […]
Brian Regan has been doing comedy for decades, dating back to The Tonight Show in the last month of Johnny Carson’s tenure (when he “got the couch” as they used to say) to regular appearances with Jimmy Fallon. He’s put out several popular albums, made eight stand-up specials for major streamers and, most recently, co-starred […]
Many times in life I have gone virtually unnoticed. Not only could I stay safely under the radar, I could have set up camp inside a radar dish and only gotten spotted when I fired up my charcoal grill. “O. M. G. There’s a flaming meteor about to hit earth… ah crap, never mind it’s […]
The Marjorie Luke Theatre is marking its 20th anniversary this year, and the celebration launches February 3 with a visit from a humorist and writer whose current job can boast even more longevity. Peter Sagal has been hosting the weekly NPR News quiz show Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! almost since its inception a quarter-century ago, […]
The current local comedy cavalcade continues this week at the Arlington, leaving behind the Lobero in favor of the much larger venue, where Kevin Hart, one of the most popular stand-up comedians on the touring circuit, will perform on January 27. Hart has appeared in dozens of films and TV shows, receiving two Primetime Emmys […]
There is a wonderful expression you can use when you feel a friend is asking for an unwarranted amount of help from you: “WHAT DID YOUR LAST SERVANT DIE OF?” Unhappily, this humorous form of complaint was based on the true fact that at one time, a large portion of the population made their living […]
In the mental economics of our species, there is a slow but steady demand for Information – but the market for Ignorance has become increasingly busy. The plain fact is that most people do not want the Truth. Why? Because it’s too inaccessible, too incomprehensible, and too likely to be unpleasant. Of course, you and […]
It used to be called “worry” or “anxiety.” Now, I gather, the fashionable term is “stress” – and I seem to have lately been gathering plenty of it. But what is there really in life worth having such feelings about? It’s all in the mind, I think. That’s what keeps psychiatrists in business. Those professional […]
The driverless Metro flew into the station and stopped on a euro. The doors opened. There were so many Parisians crammed into the front car, I thought it might have been an AI-generated crowd image. Trois got off. Dix got on. Including moi. Yeah! But not my wife. Oh-oh! She mouthed, “See you at Saint-Sulpice.” […]
“Wow, what a view, huh?” my wife said. “Nice,” I said, leaning against the wall as far away from the tall glass panels that slanted outward at a disturbing angle and had a gap on either side large enough to put your arm through. A family walked by, a little kid climbed up onto the […]
With ChatGPT Funny, I always thought of myself as having artificial intelligence. Maybe it’s because people often say to me: “Come on, man. Get real!” But I needed a quick column, and I heard great things about ChatGPT, a bot that processes language to create human-like dialog, so I signed up and typed into ChatGPT: […]
How big is it? Sometimes it doesn’t matter. Sometimes it matters a lot more than it should. I’m sorry to say that in most cases, bigger means better. That’s why bigger houses, cars, and diamonds generally cost more. But there has lately been a trend in the opposite direction. Now that so many devices are […]
It finally arrived! Freighter delays, they said. Lack of experienced labor. Cost overruns. Sound familiar? But a giant truck pulled up in front of our condo today and delivered my IKEA easy-to-assemble, all-parts-included, fully-illustrated-plans-provided… ark. That’s right! I’m going to save the world from the great flood! Or, at least a few hundred people from […]
There are several things I dread hearing when I’m on a docent-led excursion. “If anyone here is acrophobic, you may want to reconsider today’s steep hike up Mountain Goat Trail.” Or… “If anyone here is aquaphobic, you may want to skip the kayak experience down ‘Devil’s Muse Rapids.’” But I wasn’t worried today. We were […]
“What they want to do with this place is the same vision I have, which is make it a community space!” That’s Kimmie Dee “talking,” which has never been an accurate description of her communication style. Kimmie is Santa Barbara’s longtime standup comedy impresario, a casually foul-mouthed tornado of benevolent energy. Should you suddenly hear […]
Seems like there was always a guy in Dam Square in front of the Royal Palace with a microphone. In our three days in Amsterdam, we had watched a group of protesters freely protesting their lack of protesting rights. A drunken magician, who spent more time cursing out the crowd than actually performing tricks. And […]
It was raining now and blustery. The temperature, which had been hovering around nippy, was heading toward less romantic sounding terms like “freezing my tuchus off.” “According to legend,” our guide was saying at a volume that came with weather-related experience, “the Rock originated in a high mountain located around 20 miles north of here […]
Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest is credited with the idea (often quoted in various forms) that military victory depends on “getting there first, with the most.” It might be added that what matters most in life generally is getting there at all. But in the 1950s, when trans-oceanic travel by sea was beginning to encounter […]
