Tending the Masculine Fire in Tenuous Times

The FireTenders men’s groups were founded several years ago by Timothy Tillman to be a self-sustaining community of responsible men committed to wakeful living and willing to support other men in the process of self-discovery, true masculine embodiment, and open-hearted relational engagement in the world. There are three such ongoing groups in town, plus several in Los Angeles, Northern California, and elsewhere, all personally established and trained by Tillman, a Santa Barbara-based somatic psychotherapist, Hakomi trainer and meditation teacher with 25 years of experience.

Until recently, however, the only way to gain entry into the Tenders tribe was via invitation to a weekend intensive followed by a two-month weekly training. But earlier this fall, Tillman and several of the current members of the local FireTenders, including Jordan Santoni and Damian Gallagher, began collaborating on leading open circles weekly at Yoga Soup.

Why the change?

“It felt like there was a need in the community for men who didn’t have the knowledge or understanding of men’s work, and who didn’t want to commit to the training to enter a closed group, to be able to experience the work for themselves,” Tillman explained. “We wanted an open forum, street-level access so any man who was curious could come and find out what it means to tend the masculine fire, or even what it means to be masculine in this day and age.”

Indeed, while the #MeToo movement has shed light on toxic masculinity, it’s also resulted in men unsure of where they stand and how to be in the rapidly changing world.

“Toxic masculinity is the shadow, and this work addresses it,” Tillman said. “But we don’t hear much about what good masculinity is, even the divine masculine. I’m opening the door because men feel especially lost right now, confused about how and who they are supposed to be. This is an environment where they can explore, feel good about themselves as a man and to have those attributes and still be in respect of the feminine.”

The groups are open only to men because that increases the level of safety, he said. “Many men’s issues revolve around their relationships with the feminine. We work in the paradigm of what people might consider more feminine – sensitivity, deep listening, attunement – which men also have but don’t often get to explore or even reveal. Here we can share vulnerably and grow through the sense of brotherhood.”

Tillman said the Open Tending circles at Yoga Soup – which expanded from 90 minutes to two hours with the second series that runs through January 12 – differ from other men’s groups in town is that, as a somatic therapist, his emphasis is on presence and what we experience in our bodies. “It’s not an intellectual approach, but one where men can study themselves in a safe container where they can be grounded and real. We’re not just sitting around talking about things, but being in the experiential field, using mindfulness and awareness to study the self so we can grow, see our blind spots and become better men in the world.”

For now, the Open Circles have been set up as a series but are absolutely available on a drop-in basis, as the content is more theme specific rather than a progressive layering, and always includes a basic overview so that newcomers feel welcome, Tillman said. Each meeting includes setting context, establish basic agreements, check-ins and various processes, including mediation and embodiment work to help shift from the cognitive space into one of presence.

“You can jump in at any time, try it out and see if it fits for you,” he said.

The circles have also been established to give men an introduction to the work prior to the next Tending the Masculine Fire weekend somatic therapy journey intensive slated for January 24-26 at a private hilltop retreat center above Mission Canyon. It’s a much deeper dive into cultivating an ability and capacity to be present in one’s body to what’s happening on the inside and respond to what’s happening outside of oneself, an awareness-based process of being here and now, and building the capacity to be with what is, Tillman said. Then following the weekly training which builds the foundation for the container to succeed, in which each man knows the various tenets values, including integrity, sensitivity, inclusivity and awareness, the men will likely go off to form their own closed circle.

“The idea is to create self-sustaining groups,” Tillman explained. “The training is a very bonding process, and from that the men want to stay together as a group… Once the groups become ongoing, there are no leaders, because everyone is a leader. The men develop confidence to be their own leaders, and just as some of our existing FireTenders are leading at Yoga Soup, they can help the organization continue to grow. That’s what excites me.”

(Open Tending: FireTenders Men’s Group continues 3-5 pm on Sundays at Yoga Soup through January 12. Admission is $10.)

Games with Gallagher et al

FireTenders co-leader Damian Gallagher, who also facilitates Breath Work, Meditation, Intersubjective Meditation and Sound Healing, this week also partners with Jenny Calcoen, a business coach who has more than 20 years of experience as an executive in the corporate world in event management, finance, IT and family office roles, for the next installment of Authentic Relating Games. The bi-monthly gathering slated for 7 pm on Friday, December 13, has Relational Attunement as its theme, meaning the “games” – interactive experiences for self-discovery and group play that participants can dive into at the level of their choice – examine such questions as “What does it mean to tune into the relational field?” and “How am I creating harmony or dissonance with others and within myself?” Admission is $18 in advance, $25 day-of.

Sterios Centers on Subtle

Peter Sterios, the founder of MANDUKA® and creator of LEVITYoGA™ who has taught yoga at the White House and the Pentagon, saw his first DVD, “Gravity & Grace,” named by Yoga Journal as one of the Top 15 yoga videos of all time. The San Luis Obispo resident leads a workshop based on his new book, Sounds True – Gravity & Grace: How to Awaken Your Subtle Body and the Healing Power of Yoga. Sterios’ 2-4 pm workshop on Saturday, December 7, features a short lecture followed by dynamic yoga practice using the subtle-body elements of gravity, grace and levity, designed to help you create a yoga-inspired guide for living and healing, filled with insight from your own experiences. Following the workshop, Sterios will lead a conversation about healing with yoga and share insights and stories from his book as well as answer questions. The fee of $45 in advance, $55 day-of includes a signed copy of Sounds True – Gravity & Grace.

Sessions at the Soup

Also at Yoga Soup this month: Creative Play with Lora Amber and Skyler Levenson of Wild Yes, a monthly gathering focused on the intriguing concept of “imperfect art making.” The afternoon of explorative play with the collective creative genius is a place for artists of any and all experience to come together with curiosity, to play with creative edges, and to delight in whatever is produced. (3-5 pm, Friday, December 6; $15)… The monthly First Fridays Ecstatic Dance is a barefoot, substance-free, live DJ get-down dance party that begins with a one-hour contact improv warm up. (7-9:30 pm, Friday, December 6; $15)… Yoga Soup’s annual Holiday Celebration offers classes, an organic, homemade serve-yourself oatmeal bar, and special pricing on the studio’s unique gifts augmented by handcrafted creations from favorite of local vendors before the evening brings a potluck-style shared food dining experience and a musical celebration featuring Alice Bradley, a community sing-along with Glen Phillips, and dance tunes with in-house DJ (and studio owner) Eddie Ellner. (9 am-7 pm bazaar; 7-9:30 pm music; free admission)…

Hattie Bluestone, DPT, and Anahita Holden, PhD, team up to teach “Mindful Self-Compassion for the Holidays”, aimed at reducing stress during the December season. The workshop employs core principles and practices of MSC, and includes guided meditations, short talks, experiential exercises, sound meditation, aromatherapy, mindful tasting and group discussion, and offers take-home practices to integrate self-compassion into your holiday season and daily life. (2-4 pm Sunday, December 8; $30 general, $20 for students)… Chantal Peterson – a veteran yogi, certified massage therapist, and RYT Yoga Alliance certified Women’s Self Care practitioner who founded the BodyLove project – introduces Connected Breathwork at the studio. Participants will learn how CB works and how it differs from other breathwork techniques before experiencing a guided 45-minute breathwork practice anchored in a curated musical journey (7-9 pm, Sunday, December 8; $30 in advance, $35 day-of).

Misa & Martin & Ninaya

Ninaya Strandberg, a holistic health practitioner specializing in Warm Water Therapies that relieve stress, pain and toxicity and promote whole being wellness, has published a new book called It’s Elemental! She offers an interactive demonstration of some of the book’s elemental exercises, guiding visitors on an Elemental Rhythm Journey through the five elements utilizing movement, sound, and breath. Creative and healing artist Lisa Trivell follows with a nature-inspired chakra balancing relaxation meditation as part of a holiday gathering at the new Misa & Martin art gallery on lower State Street. The 6-8:30 pm event on Sunday, December 8, also features delicious treats from the Organic Soup Kitchen, info on Strandberg’s wellness programs, insight behind Trivell’s elemental arts scrolls and cards, essential oils from Fleurs de Chantal and more, including a gift raffle. Free admission. Visit www.facebook.com/events/761455954266130.

Angels Among Us

Santa Barbara family physician Dr. James Kwako, who offers mini-workshops every semester at SBCC’s Extended Learning program, presents “The Presence of Angels and How They Help Us” at Unity of Santa Barbara at 10 am on Saturday, December 7. Angels, as taught by Dr. Kwako, are agents of divine presence, power and protection with a mission to radiate the goodness and glory of life working in tandem with humans on earth. The qualities of life they reveal are gracefulness, graciousness, patience, and persistence. Kwako will offer experiences from individuals who commune with angels often and talk about how to be more receptive to their loving guidance. Admission by love offering for Unity. Visit www.santabarbaraunity.org.

Meetup Minis

The Monthly Integration Circle gathers again 7-9 pm on Monday, December 9, to create a safe space to talk about altered states of consciousness that are induced by psychedelics, plant medicines and/or spiritual emergence. Give and receive emotional support and guidance, share stories and resources, and discuss recent research on using psychedelic for treating ailments such as depression, addiction, PTSD and anxiety. Visit www.meetup.com/SB-Psychedelic-Integration-Circle… Natalie Maharjan leads a half-day retreat featuring sitting and moving mediation, chanting, and a dharma talk at the American Buddhist Meditation Temple beginning at 8 am on Sunday, December 8. Info at www.meetup.com/Santa-Barbara-Buddhist-Meditation.