Light Up a Life, Light Up the Community

Montecito’s free Light Up a Life event is fast approaching, set for the evening of December 5th. Hosted by Hospice Santa Barbara – the second oldest hospice organization in the country, and one which provides free services to people for as long as they need it – Light Up a Life is back to offer a break from our busy schedules to remember our lost loved ones.

This year, the beloved community tradition of honoring those who are no longer with us will reunite with the esteemed local singer songwriter Lois Mahalia. That’s indeed a special treat, for Mahalia is a busy touring musician who performs all over the world, as well as with musicians of note like Joe Walsh of The Eagles. The best part is she’ll be singing a longer set specifically for Montecito.

I spoke to Lois Mahalia and Charles Caldwell, Director of Strategic Advancement of Hospice SB, to discuss the ceremony. Our conversations covered life, the inevitable curtain call, the mystery and existential beauty of it all – and maybe most importantly, how grief doesn’t need to be an isolating experience. Life Up a Life offers a chance to use grief to bond and strengthen community.

I’ll leave it to Charles and Lois, who eloquently and thoughtfully share why Light Up a Life is so important. Here is but a snippet of our conversation.

The conversations below have been edited and condensed for clarity.

Q: Christopher M. Connor (MJ).What is the driving force behind Hospice and Light Up a Life?

A: Charles Caldwell (CC). When people are dealing with death, it’s more than just a medical occurrence. Hospice was born out of that ethos, which was to have a tremendous respect for the whole individual who’s dealing with life-threatening illness or who’s grieving the loss of somebody. In our society, we’re allowed to grieve, but only for a week or two. You’ve got to keep working and keep on going out and having fun with friends.

MJ. You realize that the world doesn’t stop for you, and you have to navigate that realization.

CC. Absolutely. That whole journey happens again and again. So Hospice came about to change that dynamic through community education. Everybody’s very scared of it. There’s a stigma.

MJ. That idea that time doesn’t stop for us ties nicely into Light Up a Life. This is a moment to stop for a moment and remember the ones who aren’t with us.

CC. We all know that time does speed up as we move from Thanksgiving into the December holidays. With the craziness of shopping and dinners with friends, you can forget what’s super important. Well, maybe not forget. But it sets up this conflict because you’re thinking about those loved ones, but you’re also supposed to enjoy your life. How do those fit together?

MJ. Yeah, how do you reconcile that?

CC. We conceived of it long ago that the community needed an opportunity to come together and have a moment to pause in that scheduling before it gets super busy. You can put first things first and think about family members or a good friend that’s not there. It’s a combination of music, song, poetry, and spiritual reflection. We can hold those people in our hearts and not just mourn them but celebrate their lives.

MJ. And you’re doing it with the community, not just doing it by yourself.

CC. It’s part of the healing process. We do need individual time, and then we need the time with our family. But there’s something about being there with dozens of other families, and each person is putting a star on the tree. You’re able to see that sharing things that are deeply personal, but doing it with a community, can lift us up higher than if we’re just doing it by ourselves.

MJ. Each experience is different, but there’s still so much overlap. You’re not alone.

CC. Absolutely. And in a time where people feel increasingly isolated, it feels important to take that step to come together.

MJ. What does Light Up a Life mean for you personally?

CC. I lost my father in my late 20s and became very close with my mom. She unexpectedly passed during a medical procedure where we weren’t expecting it to be life threatening. Now my mom and I weren’t able to just get in the car and go get those pastrami sandwiches we’d been talking about. So my community of friends rallied around me.

It’s a huge thing to lose those central figures in our lives. So Light Up a Life became a very special opportunity for me to hang up a star. And we actually now have a digital tree. It’s super easy to put up a photo of your loved one on this digital tree.

So I’ll take this photo of my mom from when she was young and vivacious and full of life. It’s not just about mourning – it’s about a heartfelt remembrance. I’m never going to forget her. And I don’t want her to be forgotten. There’s something about putting her name on the tree, or doing the digital star, that really feels like she’s being lifted up, if that makes any sense.

MJ. It’s hard to articulate those kinds of things into words. You’re having an emotional, spiritual connection that transcends the physical world. 

CC. Yeah, it’s not about writing my mom’s name and hanging it on a tree. There’s a feeling that you are connecting to something that’s a bit beyond yourself. It feels like you’re doing a small ceremony at a time in our society where we’ve lost most of the meaning of our ceremonies. There’s something about the power of ceremony. Every year I’m taking a thoughtful, intentional moment to stamp my mom in time again.

MJ. Instead of feeling like a passive observer, you’re exerting agency. What do you think the long-term effects of an event like this are?

CC. When people with this particular shared experience gather, there’s a real closeness and intimacy. And in a way, it’s kind of like people belong to the club. That creates a really cool, intimate camaraderie for the people who attend. It’s those kinds of ties that really help make a community a special place to live.

MJ. People can take for granted those kind of bonds. They’re fragile. They’re not guaranteed to always be there. You need to take active steps to keep those community bonds going strong.

CC. That’s exactly right. It binds the community together in a healthy way. And it allows them to think about their own life differently, so that they hopefully can live a little truer to their core, because they know that we only have this time on earth.

MJ. Light Up a Life can be such a layered experience. You’re honoring lost loved ones, but also celebrating life. The fact that we got to experience this person at all is a joy.

CC. Half the work we do is about things that are sad, and things that we mourn, but the other half of work is about living, love, and laughing.

MJ. Speaking of that, Lois Mahalia will be playing.

CC. This year Lois will be singing for longer at the Montecito event, before the talking program happens. It’s a more robust version, and we’ve curated it specifically for Montecito.

MJ. Lois, are you excited to be singing for Light Up a Life again?

Lois Mahalia (LM). It was always a beautiful experience, and it’s very moving for me. It’s a special event, and I’m grateful that I’ve gotten called to be a part of it again. My father passed away in 2021 so I think this will be extra special for that too.

MJ. I’m sorry. Do you feel that this time singing will be a different experience for you?

LM. I definitely feel like it’ll be a little more emotional. But music is always emotional, and it’s beautiful because it helps heal what we’re going through.

MJ. Music can give you permission to tap into those feelings. 

LM. Exactly. Music gets through to everybody because it’s a physical connection that we can’t explain. People are allowed to sort of feel what they feel. I think that’s what music does: it helps us get through what we need to get through. It makes us connected – because we are.

MJ. Do you enjoy these community events?

LM. I’m always involved in something community wise. I just recorded with Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald for the Unity Telethon. I feel special. It’s a nice thing to be a part of it and I think it’s beautiful.

MJ. Giving your time and your love is a great way to strengthen your community.

LM. Exactly. It’s like relationships, right? We work at it; we give and we take.

Both Charles and Lois agree that it all comes back to community, and how we individuals are an integral part of it. In the end, Charles sums up perfectly why Light Up a Life is so important:

“Every step we take – to be daring enough to say that death is real, that grief is real, and that the journey can actually enrich, teach us, and empower our lives; not just make us sad or scared – can open doors for people who might get an idea that they don’t have to close off. It’s the awareness that leads people to the preciousness of life.”

Light Up a Life will take place at the Upper Village Corner Green (corner of San Ysidro & E. Valley Road) on Thursday, December 5th at 5 pm, with the free ceremony lasting about 45 minutes. Come by for cookies, treats, refreshments, music, guest speakers, and the lighting of the memorial tree. And enjoy a special set by Lois Mahalia, who’s latest album, Chasing the Sun, is available on all streaming platforms.