Walk A Mile In Someone Else’s Phone

It’s hard to break my heart these days. I’ve become so inured to hateful remarks. To bad manners. I know I’m not the only one who feels exhausted by the toxically divisive politics of this moment. The hubris we all bring to every conversation that treads whatsoever into politics. It all feels so depressingly… normal.

But when, two weeks ago, we printed pictures of our endorsed candidates on the Journal’s cover,we awoke Thursday morning to reports that all MJ copies distributed on Coast Village Road had been stolen, defaced and then returned to the stands. At least they returned them. This picture is of one of the defaced papers:

I don’t know about you, but I long for the good old days when we disagreed over things like tax policy, the death penalty, trickledown economics. I miss us engaging with one another with at least some level ofdecorum. 

I miss watching the evening news, however naively, believing I was getting some semblance of the truth. Not having to weed though the strident opinions of pundits to hopefully stumble over an occasional fact. Sure, news has always been biased, simply by virtue of what was and was not included. But I trusted that the facts being presented were, at the very least, verifiable. 

Key to that was the Fairness Doctrine – a former U.S. federal policy requiring television and radio broadcasters, “legacy press,” to present contrasting viewpoints on controversial issues of public importance. In 1987, under the Regan Administration, the FCC abolished the Fairness Doctrine. And with it the option for news consumers to weigh multiple valid but differing perspectives on an issue. 

“In 1987… the FCC abolished the Fairness Doctrine. And with it the option for many news consumers to weigh multiple legitimate perspectives on an issue.” 

The advent of the internet, and the powerful algorithms born out of this new way of consuming “news,” accelerated this trend of one-sided news. Worse, these algorithms have jumped the rails from our computers into our personal lives so much so that all we see are infinite mirrors of ourselves. These days it takes a concerted, intentional effort to have a nuanced understanding of issues, making it hard to have a real appreciation for the personal journeys that inform the divergent beliefs of others. That would take a willingness to walk a mile in another person’s phone. 

When I arrived at the Montecito Journal five years ago, I chose a partner (and he chose me), with whom I had very little in common, especially politically; but there was a long list of reasons I teamed up with Tim Buckley, the Journal’slong-time publisher and son of MJ’s founder and former owner. Topping the list was this: I liked him! He was smart, talented, and surprisingly thoughtful. And funny. And he cared deeply about this community. I still believe all these things. That partnering with him was a good decision. Not just because our company has thrived under our joint leadership. But also because Tim – and the opportunity to better understand his opinions – has helped me grow as a person.

From day one Tim has read every piece I’ve written. He doesn’t always agree with my perspective, but he reads with an open mind and helps steer me towards fairness. Often, he’ll say: “If you just take out this one trigger line, people may not agree with you, but they’ll at least be able to hear what you have to say.” So I do, because I don’t want to preach only to the choir. I want people to “at least hear what I have to say.” I suppose that’s what we all want. To at least be heard, and seen, and considered. 

“Personally, I think we’d all do well to have a Tim Buckley in
our lives. We need to relearn how to talk to each other
with respect, even when we disagree. Without that, what we
have is a world where none of us feels heard.” 

So here we are, on the eve of this very important presidential election, and I feel the need to say something. To explain to our community the reasons why I put Kamala Harris’s face on the cover of our paper – reasons which go beyond my excitement that I might be alive to witness our country elect its first Woman President. I’ve had the opportunity to spend a little time with Kamala Harris, though some close to me have spent more. She’s sharp and committed and passionate. She’s a fighter who truly wants to do well by everyone in this country, even those who oppose her. And she deeply believes in America’s potential; her joy is genuine.

I say all this understanding full well that mine does not represent everyone’s point of view, and that at this point, there are probably somewhere around zero swayable voters reading this. But there are other reasons I support Vice President Harris, and I want to explain those.

I was 40 when my husband and I married. So, I dated for a long time, and had many relationships – some long, some fleeting. But the common denominator I took from my decades long dating journey is: believe people when they tell you who they are! When someone told me on the first date that they had commitment issues, it always turned out to be true. My young self might not have wanted to believe it, seen it as challenge, but today I recognize it as a confession. If someone suggested they had a pattern of cheating, it turned out to be true. If early on they talked endlessly about their mother … well, you get the point. 

So, when a candidate, or their proxies, tell us things, I think it’s important to listen. When they tell us they intend to lock up their political opponents, that their next term will be about retribution and revenge, that they would not hesitate to use the miliary or national guard on “the enemy from within,” that they believe that this country is “a disgrace,” and that if they win we will never again have to (or get to) vote, I believe them. And when they use language that is chillingly reminiscent of Hitler, who was elected in a democracy, for instance that immigrants are infecting the blood of America, or that “America is for Americans and Americans only” I find it deeply disturbing.

“These days it takes a concerted, intentional effort to have a
nuanced understanding of an issue, making it very hard to
have a real appreciation for the personal journeys that
inform the divergent beliefs of others. That would take a
willingness to walk a mile in another person’s phone.” 

During WWII my mother hid for two years from the Nazis in an attic of a farmhouse in Poland. When the war ended, she and her family returned to their ransacked home only to be visited by their Polish neighbors who shot a gun over their heads, warning them: “Poland is for the Polish people only.” Forced from the only home they’d ever known, they traversed the Alps on foot into Italy where they spent five years in displaced persons camps, ultimately immigrating to the U.S. Like all of us, I come from immigrants. 

Whatever the outcome of this election, the time has come for us to rethink politics and the nature of political discourse in this country.

Public service should not be about the personal agendas or insecurities or vendettas of our leaders. We must find a way to get money out of politics – it should not cost a billion dollars to run for President. The Electoral College is arcane and has outlived its usefulness. Today this is a problem for the left, but things will shift, they always do. And when Texans finally get their act together and more of them vote, it will become a problem for the right as well. We must be able to ascertain truth from lies and to operate from the same set of facts, or our country will be endlessly divided. And divided we will fall. 

Our elected representatives must spend more time working together to solve this country’s problems and less time trying to hold on to power. That is their job. If every minority party works to ensure that the majority party fails, it’s the people who will continue to lose. I also think it’s okay to expect our leaders to model respectability. Manners. Integrity. And fairness. So in them our children can see that good leadership matters. Because if it doesn’t, God help us all.

And personally, I think we’d all do well to have a Tim Buckley in our lives. We need to relearn how to talk to each other with respect, even when we disagree. Because without that, what we have is a world where none of us feels heard. Or seen. Or considered. 

If you haven’t already, please vote on or by Tuesday, November 5^th. And if your candidate wins, congratulations. If they don’t, remember, there’s always a next time. Isn’t there?