Holiday Cards and Weak Ties?

As a secular humanist, I don’t do Christmas. But I enjoy the end of year ritual of sending “holiday” cards. A few dozen people get real cards, and a larger circle get emails. Some of these people are close friends. But some are family and friends with whom I rarely have contact. Sometimes for years at a time.

I enjoyed a recent New York Times article by Peter Coy: “Why I Still Send Holiday Cards – And You Should, Too.” He expressed similar feelings that I experience. The agony of deciding who gets a card and who doesn’t. It is difficult to know when it is time to drop someone. And there is a fear that adding someone new will become a commitment for years to come.

But Coy also referenced some important relevant academic research. Notably, a 1973 paper “The Strength of Weak Ties” by sociologist Mark Granovetter. Weak ties being exactly like those of these annual recipients of holiday cards.

Granovetter claimed that weak ties can actually be more valuable than strong ties. We have strong ties to perhaps dozens of people. But we have weak ties to hundreds. Those “weak ties” people may live in very different circles than we do – different geographically, politically, and by occupation and interests.

Granovetter’s research showed that when searching for a job, weak ties are more valuable than strong ties. This is probably also true for meeting new potential partners.

Some years ago the company I helped found was sold to a corporation that soon drove off all of the founders. I was the last to go. I was in no hurry to find work again, but I was given unsolicited advice. One memorable bit: Don’t ask people you know if they have work for you. Ask them if they know anyone who might have work for you.

If you ask someone for work, they might just say no. But asking if they know anyone who might have work for you exponentially expands the circle of connections. Those are the so-called weak ties.

Coy noted that he doesn’t send out cards with these practical concerns in mind. Like me, he sends them out as a token of affection and perhaps to keep happy memories alive. Coy says he sends more cards than he receives. Reassuring, as that is true for me, too!

But I am grateful for others who do as I do. When I was young, we lived in rural Connecticut. One of our former neighbors continued to write a very newsy annual letter to my parents. It was handwritten, long and personal. Full of updates on everyone who had lived in our little backwoods world. My mother was mystified why they did this, and she would send a card and short note in return.

For my parents, it was a long distant and mostly forgotten past. But for me it was an important and formative period of my life. I was very grateful to read their annual letter. I should note that one of those Connecticut friends is now my biggest MoJo fan!

Granovetter’s 1973 paper has received over 70,000 citations. But most of them have occurred since 2000, due to the explosion of the Internet and social media in the interim.

Newer research has validated his key findings. But Erik Brynjolfsson and collaborators did a more extensive study (published in Science in 2022) that refined these findings. Notably: the weak ties’ utility in finding employment varies by industry. Weak ties were most helpful in “digital” industries. In less digital industries, strong ties were more valuable for career advancement.

As for the holiday cards, there is also the question of what to enclose. Coy avoids a printed newsletter, feeling that it will “sound remote.” I am willing to take that risk. I print real photos on photo paper. Then I enclose a photo index sheet and a one-page newsletter. I can then add a personal note on the card.

Some people prefer less clutter and want an email. But some people tell me they look forward each year to my printed photos. Those are the weak ties that I value.