Taking Steps

An old Chinese adage says, “A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step” – to which I have added my own piece of wisdom: “So, to save 1,000 miles, don’t take that step.”

For some reason, humans and birds are the principal creatures which walk on two legs – I have been privileged to visit some (very smelly) penguin “rookeries” in Antarctica, where it’s is quite amazing to find yourself surrounded by these waddling tuxedo-clad avians, who have never learned to fear humans.

Of course some critters can be “taught” “bi-pedalism.” Dr. Samuel Johnson remarked that “A woman’s preaching is like a dog walking on his hind legs. It is not done well, but you are surprised to find it done at all.”

Possibly one of the greatest inventions of all time was that of STAIRS, which enabled humans to climb inclines which might otherwise be too steep. Hence, we have had other refinements, such as that superb space-saver, the spiral staircase, which also made possible defensive towers and minarets. In London, you can still use such stairs to ascend a column called The Monument, designed by Sir Christopher Wren, the architect of St. Paul’s Cathedral – which marks the starting point of London’s Great Fire of 1666.

Another great human invention was the Ladder, which came as a counter-blow to the Wall, making possible a whole new kind of fighting. Even as late as January 1815, at the Battle of New Orleans, British soldiers carried ladders which were supposed to help them scale the American defenses – but something went terribly wrong, and very few of the ladder-crews got through the withering Yankee fire. (This was the Battle in which the British General, Sir Edward Packenham, was killed, and the American commander, Andrew Jackson, became a hero, winning fame that ultimately led him to the Presidency. It was also a totally unnecessary battle, since peace between the two sides had already been signed several weeks earlier. But that happened in Ghent, Belgium, and the news reached America too late to prevent all that bloodshed.)

In World War II, the islands of the Pacific were often described metaphorically as “stepping stones” to the Japanese heartland. Japan herself is of course a group of islands, but, when the Allied forces captured islands within bombing range, the ultimate outcome of the war was never really in doubt, no matter what kind of bombs were used.

But of course, real stepping stones (usually placed by Nature or Man to assist in crossing rivers and streams) have their own limitations. They may be too far apart, or too small and slippery to provide an easy and safe crossing. Their usability also depends on the height and turbulence of the water in the river or creek.

And, as many of us have learned to our cost, whether crossing water or land, however long the intended journey, it can all be ruined by taking one bad step. The hospitals are full of people who stumbled on a rock, slipped on ice (or on the traditional banana peel), tripped on an unexpected unevenness in the ground, or simply stepped on a stepping stone that wasn’t there — thus precipitating that all too common calamity known as a “Fall.” (Even while writing this, I heard from a fan who had fractured an elbow, falling over the dog she was walking!)

But while we are stepping around the subject of steps, we mustn’t overlook the formulaic musical and military varieties. There are of course any number of dance steps, from the most formal of classical Ballet to the most uncontrolled savage rituals. And, going back to ancient game-plans, soldiers were trained in very nimble footwork in attempts to out-maneuver their enemies. Then there were the marches, just to keep men moving in an orderly fashion. One of these somehow developed into what was known as the “Goose Step,” a type of marching in which the forward knee is kept perfectly stiff, and is brought down, especially on city streets, with something of a heavy tramp. This became particularly associated with Nazi storm troopers and thus gained an unpleasant reputation – although the same step is now used by military forces all over the world.

In any formal march, the most important thing is of course to have all the participants keeping step. On that subject, I will contribute today’s final piece of wisdom: 

PLEASE DON’T ASK ME TO KEEP IN STEP – IT’S HARD ENOUGH JUST TO STAY IN LINE.“